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Archive for the ‘Frânturi…’ Category

.Act of 3.

 

 

.Late August.

.2 weeks left.

 

 

Shot one.

She felt hot. She felt daring. She loved to tease.

That’s why she decided to take a detour, use her friend merely as an excuse to go see him. She did promised her that one of these days she’ll treat her, *at the restaurant she was working* with one of those damn delicious brownies, and free drinks. Sunset and the beach. She felt the enthusiasm prickling her skin. That and the nervous thought of what she was about to do.

He’s still here. There’s only a couple of us in here. And he’s the only one in line. So… C’mon already. I sooo want to see this happen.”  – the message rolled onto the screen, making her to nervously bite her bottom lip.

Before she stepped into the kitchen, she grabbed her friend’s hand and intertwining their fingers she took one hella deep breath. She passed the hugs, the usual hellos and the surprised expressions on her coworkers faces. They’ve never seen her like that. Make up. Braids. Sun glasses. Crop top.

  • Mads’s in the house guys. You sure do know how to clean up real nice. I’m assuming you’re not working today.

She nodded, flashing a bitter sweet grin.  She loved Kuba. He always knew to say the right things and when she needed his hugs. His moooost needed hugs. That made her feel better, taking his embrace and smelling that damn perfume she was madly in love with.

  • Then let us serve you today. And treat you and your friend. Whatever you like just let us know.
  • Its ok guys, there’s no fuss needed. Appreciated though. We’re not gonna stay long.

She looked at them feeling at home. A bunch of J1 students working their summer of. Enjoying the states and chasing the big dream. It only lasted for a minute. Cuz she heard B yelling from the other side of the room, with no remorse whatsoever.

  • Hey, Dom’ . Madie here, has something to tell you. Don’t you Mads?

And there goes B, her loving fucking B * the B she wanted so badly to just slap right now * , making heads turn, people watching her next move. Everybody knew by now, there was some sort of electricity between her and Dom, all the teasing, the fighting, the not so subtle smiles. And they knew too, she and him, but none of them was quite brave enough to make a damn move. And now the summer was almost over and they would be parting ways. And she just couldn’t cope with the idea of at least no trying. But, instead of playing for B, she turned around and stepped outside taking seat at one of the tables. She stayed there, with her heart slamming against her ribcage engaging in conversations with her coworkers, sipping alcohol, trying to calm the itching sensation in her bones, without looking once at him and ignoring the stares and B’s atemptions so make her go talk to him.

When she couldn’t stay any longer, and felt safe enough, she went to him. His eyes were beaming and glancing sideways not knowing what to say or how to act. She put her best poker face and swallowed hard.

  • Hey
  • You know, since these are gonna be our last two weeks together, I was thinking you might wanna go out with me tonight.

There. She said it. Fuck it. Her hands were cold, in comparison with the heat of the kitchen and the redness in her cheeks , which, by now she doubted it was from the heat.

  • Well, if you’re gonna come here with this attitude. It’d be a NO.

One beat. Two beats. Tree beats. Nothing. She flipped a middle finger, filling the tense air between them. And then with a cocky smile, *God knows how she pulled that one*, she slammed an “OK” and then walked way. She said her goodbyes after that, between hugs and laughs, holding in the scream she sooo badly wanted to let out, bravely pretending nothing happened.

Before she left, B came to her.

  • You know, he said, there’s a party tonight and he wants you there.
  • Yeah, well FUCK HIM ! I’m done B. I tried. I don’t want no fucking party. I want a night out with him. Me and him. ALONE ! Am I crazy ?! Am I asking to much ? Fucking coward.
  • You know its funny you say that. Tom * the guy that worked in line with D, and her current boyfriend * Said the same thing. He said he didn’t get Dom. And everybody was watching him in dismay. For what it’s worth. I’m proud of you. You have bigger balls than anybody I know.

And then she felt better. She hugged it out. Feeling blessed. Her friends were more important than a “summer dick”. She survived a “No” before. This wouldn’t be any different. That ‘s why for the rest of the night and summer she never , not once, felt awkward again, around him or anybody else. Things did took an interesting turn after that, but not the one expected.

 

 

.End.

 

*apologizing for the rusty English*

 

Anunțuri

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Taint

57581b7052388f338dd57a01f7f4d937--lips-painting-painting-art

(ro)

S-a rostogolit grăbită,

surprinsă de lumina palidă a lumânării,

purtând urme de doliu în atingerea sa.

S-a frânt sub degete furioase

înainte să păteze buzele roșii

să dea satisfacție Păcatului.

…..

(en)

It stumbled hurried,

A blurry glimpse

Catched by the pale candle light

Wearing shades of black in its touch.

It crumbled under angry fingers

Before she stained red lips

Giving the Sin satisfaction.

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Broken hearts

 

  • C’mon ! Jump ! Embrace it Em ! There’s nothing for us here, but smiles, dancing and oblivion.

She jumped,  the pale pink oh her dress swallowed by water, her last words lost in the autumn wind. When she reached surface, her blue eyes were beaming, the sunset reflecting its fire in her determination.

And that’s how she will remember Lila. Like the girl who tumbled into the river even though the water was freezing, like there was nothing there to stop her (beside that nasty cold she got after that). A smile slowly curved her trembling lips. That moment engraved in a frame in her memories.

She looked at the cloudy sky, and raised the beer bottle.

  • For the mess you were, for not giving up on me, for taking that leap of faith when the world didn’t give us the slightest chance; I miss you! You horrible selfish person. You left me behind, you … you…

As the first stars peered through the clouds, lighting the grave, the moon found in its shine, a curled up Em asleep and a couple of empty bottles, scattered in the grass. There was so much pain and tiredness engraved in her features.  So she watched over them that night, making sure they’ll see each other one last time, in a place where sorrow couldn’t reach them.

 

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Ziua era pe sfârșite. Stătea pe verandă , sorbind din berea rece, în timp ce soarele se ascundea după munți.  Își mută privirea spre răsadul de flori; buzele arcuindu-i-se într-o jumătate de zâmbet. Avea urme de pământ pe obrazul stâng , și o dâră verde pe tâmpla dreaptă.  Își studie degetele și  dosul palmelor în lumina târzie; i se uscase pielea pentru că uitase să-și cumpere mănuși noi, și circumstanțele impuseseră să-și vâre mâinile, fără urmă de regret,  în pământ.  Gândul îi făcu umerii să i se scuture involuntar.

Își întinse picioarele ușor bronzate,lăsând să-i scape un suspin de plăcere. Lucrase ore în șir, în căldura zilei de aprilie, apreciind schimbarea de vreme.  Era și timpul ca ea și ploaia să ia o pauză pentru un timp. Nu că i-ar fi displăcut. Dimpotrivă. Și-a primit primul sărut în ploaie. Prima despărțire. A absolvit liceul cu pantofii ei preferați înmuiați într-o ploaie spontană de vară. Și-a semnat actele de divorț într-o seară rece, umedă de septembrie. Din gând în gând, amintirile i se agățară de gene, și îi umeziră ochii căprui.

Respiră adânc, și piguli firele invizibile de praf de pe blugi.  Exista un motiv pentru care trecutul trebuia să rămână în trecut. Dar cu imaginile derulându-i-se pe retină, îi era cam greu să-și aminteasă motivul. Scutură, cu maxilarul încleștat, viguros din cap, cu intenția de a-și limpezi privirea și gândurile. Șuvițe de păr prăfuite i se desprinseseră din păr odată cu mișcarea, acoperindu-i chipul trist.

Se ridică, nesigură pe picioare. Cu sticla de bere pe jumătate băută, coborî scările. Adună instrumentele de grădinărit, și-și îndreptă pașii spre casă, cu lumina lunii urmărindu-i umbra. În noapte aia, ploaia a stat departe de geamul ei.

Dimineața o prinse cu coșul plin ochi, răsucindu-se cu lista în mână, prin supermarket. Cumpărăturile de miercuri, erau un ritual de care nu se despărțea decât rareori. Cu o noapte în urmă nu reușise să-și potolească pofta de pui shanghai. Păstrase pe limbă, gustul puiului tras în unt ,acoperit de aroma dulce-acrișoară a sosului. Stomacul i se agită în anticipare, și zgomotul o făcu să strângă stânjenită din pleoape.

Pentru o secundă, devenise conștientă de sine, și privi curioasă în jur. De când se mutase înapoi în orașul natal, prefera-se să fie cât mai invizibilă cu putiință. Dar adevărul era că nu mai cunoaștea decât o mână de persoane, și ocazional generația de după 95’ care își vizitau pe timp de vară părinții sau bunicii, bucurându-se de liniștea unui orășel mic, munții din jur și barajul care le fusese cel mai bun profesor de înot.

  • Pot să-ți fac oricând rost de miere mai naturală, decât cea pe care o ții tu în mână.

Tresări, luată prin surprindere, mai să scape borcanul. Fusese atât de ruptă de realitate, că nu băgă de seamă că se zgâia insistent la etichetă. Pentru că, cumva, cuvintele refuzau să-i iasă pe gură, aprobă, încurcată.  Acum își amintise, de ce prefera să iasă la cumpărături, dimineața devreme, când magazinul erau aproape gol.

  • Atunci, trec diseară să-ți aduc unul. Îmi pare bine să te văd, Anya.

I-a zâmbit încântat, și a șters-o.  Cât despre ea, rămase ca o idioată în mijlocul culoarului nevenindu-i să creadă.

Să fie al naibii. Ce tocmai s-a întâmplat? La ce tocmai a fost de acord ?

În timp ce își punea produsele pe bandă; cu inima aproape să-i sară din piept, la toate modurile în care el putea să o dea peste cap DIN NOU; primii picuri de ploaie se așezau pe acoperișul marketului.

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So i stood still in the middle

of the street

my stare empty

waiting

for a warm hand

to pull me back into the sunlight

I waited for so long outside my window

but the „home” feeling

never passed by.

It was only the ice cold wind that took mercy

and took a grasp

at my shattered insides

trying

to pull me back into a whole

And for a while

i could see myself again

a shallow slippery self

but a self nonetheless

At first light

the ice melted from my veins

not knowing that

it will loosen the thread

I couldn’t blame her

for that was her doing

to dust away the shadows.

Sometimes. The shadow grows roots inside you and there’s no light to turn back to.

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You could use a bit of magic

All of a sudden her palms were sweaty and she couldn’t find her words, the images in her head becoming a blur. And this was not a really good time for her to get nervous. The whole audience was starring at her with their almost bored gazes and anxious for the ceremony to come to an end. She had to deliver a speech. But where the fuck were her word? She swiped her palms across the dress and took a deep breath. It seemed like ages till she could open her mouth again.

  • Dear ladies and gentlemen I proudly present you the graduates of 2015’s class.

In all the cheering and whistling, she turned to the stage’s exit. And when she thought things couldn’t get worse, her heel got stuck in a crack and before she could realize, she lost balance. The words flew out of her mouth like birds escaping their cage “Fuck this ! “. Almost made a fool outta herself, almost cringe at the picture of her kissing the floor or better, trolling over the stairs and ending in a pile of black, gold and green mess.

Steady hands made her regain balance, and made sure she won’t lose it again. There was amusement and concerned both mixed in the gaze that met hers, which made her stupid stupid heart skip a beat.

  • You look like you needed a hand … or two, he whispered oh so charmingly.
  • Yeah, I guess so ; she replied regaining her breath and some of her dignity.
  • Care to join me on a walk ? and before she could answer he took her hand and made their way out of there.
  • But ! Their all in there … she glanced back at her colleagues , while her words got lost in the cheering of the crowd.
  • They won’t even notice you’re missing !
  • No, I suppose not.

Out on the walk side, he let her hand go, and opened the car’s door.

  • How about we play a trust game here? he faced her smiling sheepishly.
  • That’s a lot to ask, considering I barely know you.
  • We’ve been in the same class for 3 years now. I think is safe to say you know me enough to consider this.

She took a moment to think, while her gaze measured him from top to bottom. The idea of evading graduation ceremony was completely scandalous, and she had to admit a bit tempting. But who’s gonna tell her friends why and where she disappeared without a word, and who’s gonna deliver the end speech… and there was so many things to do after the ceremony…

  • You’re thinking to much and to loud. You’re 2 hours away from graduating and after this nobody’ll give a fuck. C’mon Jones, let’s do something excited.
  • Screw you, she said without remorse, getting her proper self back.
  • That sounds promising …

She couldn’t help smile , seeing the sparkles in his eyes. She could catch fire from those. He’ll burn her.

  • Fine ! Cuz making deals with the devil is such a lovely way to start your life as an adult. Fine, she repeated stubbornly. Let’s go !

The heels kicked the pavement , just to makes sure her mind was in the right place and she wasn’t still on that damn stage daydreaming instead of facing the crowd. She landed on the passenger seat and gazed excited at the sky.

  • So where do you wanna go ? he said half laughing, looking at her like she was the most exotic thing in the world, which was not by the way.
  • Just drive, she smiled back liking her lips in anticipation. We’ll know when we get there.

Such a cheesy thing to say. Such a clisee, she thought surprised. But. The hell with everything. If he intended to play, she’ll give him play. The excitement roared into her belly, threatening to swallow her entirely. But she was ready to give one last chance to magic.

  • You don’t disappoint Jones. You just don’t.

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Mi te-ai agățat de gene

și-ai pictat povești

pe spatele pleoapelor

să-mi țină de urât în vise

M-ai privit amuzat

în timp ce

construiam agitată

legături spre tine

Te-am inspirat adânc

și mi-ai înfășurat fiecare nerv

în tremur

fiecare celulă

în dependență de mirosul tău

Mi-ai rătăcit gândurile

și ai lăsat vina

să-mi schilodească

încrederea

Ai plecat înainte

să mă dezmeticesc

și-ai lăsat îndoiala

să zdrobească și ultima

fărâmă de entuziasm.

Ai lăsat în urmă

furie și semne de întrebare.

 

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