The closure I never got

Hi you, 

This is an apology for not allowing us to be.  

And an olive branch for closure. 

It started with our daily commute rides, fidgeting next to each other on the bus, not ever addressing a word, but many glances. And your Facebook request later on.

I don’t know what prompted me to text you that day you smiled at me. I don’t recall if there was something lingering at the edge of your smile, or if it simply sparked curiosity as to why I was the recipient of it.

Unexpected and startling your blunt honesty – „I had a crush on you since forever, and when I see you it makes me smile. I wasn’t aware I did that today”.

It also made me feel like I had the upper hand. I mean, who confesses their feelings on the first text message?

Fine, it got me scared too.

But at the very least, I should have been upfront about my intentions.

I should’ve told you I didn’t reciprocate your feelings.

Mixed signals?

Yes.

Coward for ghosting you?

Yes.

Avoiding you on the commute after that?

Yes.

I am not sure how to resume these lines, since there’s resistance in you. You should stop holding onto people. Stop holding onto feelings.

Truth be told, I didn’t care enough to make this work.

ㅤ

I wasn’t sure where I was going with this. Tbh I just don’t want these feelings anymore.

Waiting. Holding onto memories that weren’t mine to start with.

2022 – I’ll leave them with you.

Where I’m going, I won’t be needing them anymore.

Read Full Post »