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.Act of 3.

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.Late august.

.2 weeks left.

 

 

Shot two.

I’m gonna be late again.

The stench of booze and sweat fills my nostrils, and I can’t figure out a way to keep my eyes open. There’s a booming system in my head, and I feel like the party from last night never quite went away. I should probably shower. But, fuck, my feet won’t budge.

To be honest, I don’t know how I got into the shower, got dressed and got to work. It’s sort of a blur. I do remember the sun prickling my eyes, the guard yelling after me that I’m not allowed to skateboard my way to the restaurant, because the island has certain rules and one of them is not letting me get in time at work. So basically, I AM LATE AGAIN !

These days nobody cares. There’s only a hand of us working today.

I picked this really stupid habit. Every time I walk into the kitchen, after saying the usual hellos, I need to check where she’s at. This damn girl is never in one place. And that bugs the hell out of me. Because most of the times , I want her working in front of me, so I can hear her laugh, yell at the waiters, arguing with me or just making funny faces.  I want to say that I got used to her, but to be honest, she’s nothing like I’ve ever experienced.

It takes me a couple of minutes to register that she’s not working today, and that makes me feel odd. There’s sort of a silence here, when she’s not around. Sometimes I feel like it’s a good thing, but then I always change my mind.

By the looks of it, I‘m gonna be left alone in line, which sucks cuz’ today’s not really a good day for me to be in charge of all of the meals. But hell. Maybe we won’t get busy.

I’m sleeping my way through half the day. Only 2 more hours till I get out of here, and I pat myself on the back for holding on this long.

But then something happens. I don’t see it at first since my head its stuck in the oven, and I’m trying really hard not burn my fingers. But I catch her smell and even though I can’t fully turn around to see her, I get, she’s all smiles and something else… something I can’t yet define, but by the way my heart pounds it’s not really what I need right now.

She doesn’t look my way. I know she’s upset. We sort of fought the other day. And she’s been quiet and cold towards me. It makes me feel guilty when she’s not talking to me, or fighting, and it’s hard to resist the urge to tease her.

  • Hey Dom, Maddie has something to tell you, don’t you Mads?

At that, my head jerks back, and my ears are fully aware by the pounding of my heart. And I don’t like it. Cuz people are starring. So I just ignore the buzzing, I ignore her, and since she’s not saying anything, I just hope I’ll get out of here without any of this.

But to be honest. My skin its itching in anticipation. I want to know what she has to say. So I’m waiting… and waiting. And she’s back and forward in the kitchen. But she’s not even looking my way.

Only one hour left. I’m literally counting the minutes down.

And then. There she is. Ready to leave. But not quite. How did she got in front of me ? How come she smells so good? There’s a smile there. And then a question. It takes me a couple of minutes to register that, because I’m still trying to figure out what am I suppose to say to her.

  • You know, since these are gonna be our last two weeks together, I was thinking you might wanna go out with me tonight.

Why is she looking so damn pretty ? Why are her eyes glowing like that? Why now ? I wanna grab her shoulders and do something to her. I don’t really know what. And then with the corner of my eye I catch the figure of my ex girlfriend, my best friend, and I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. So it surprises the fuck out of me what I’m saying next.

  • Well, if you’re gonna come here with this attitude. It’d be a NO.

I can’t quite look her in the eyes. But the spark that was there before, just faded. And that scares me. I shouldn’t have the power to do that. I see her middle fingers up and an “Ok” slammed between us, and then she’s gone.

By the time I get back to earth, Adam’s next to me and he’s questioning me. I guess she wasn’t talking as loud as I thought she was, since apparently nobody knows what she asked. And the he says something, but I’m not paying attention anymore.

  • We’re hosting a party tonight. Ask her to come meet you there. Better yet. B. go tell Maddie that she should join us tonight.

From this moment till I get home, I don’t remember much. In my mind, I play the same image over and over again. “She’ll be fine” I mutter.

I push the whole event as further away as I can from me, as I’m getting ready for tonight. I want her to be there, but I know she’s not gonna. So I’ll grab my ex and do what I’ve been doing the entire summer. Get wasted.

I’ll figure out tomorrow a way to make things better. And in that moment, I know how much of a bad liar I am.

Funny things is, even though I screw up a week later, by the time we part ways, we’re good. I don’t know wtf this girl is made off, but I know this much: I’ll never experience something like this any time soon.

 

 

.End.

Anunțuri

.Act of 3.

 

 

.Late August.

.2 weeks left.

 

 

Shot one.

She felt hot. She felt daring. She loved to tease.

That’s why she decided to take a detour, use her friend merely as an excuse to go see him. She did promised her that one of these days she’ll treat her, *at the restaurant she was working* with one of those damn delicious brownies, and free drinks. Sunset and the beach. She felt the enthusiasm prickling her skin. That and the nervous thought of what she was about to do.

He’s still here. There’s only a couple of us in here. And he’s the only one in line. So… C’mon already. I sooo want to see this happen.”  – the message rolled onto the screen, making her to nervously bite her bottom lip.

Before she stepped into the kitchen, she grabbed her friend’s hand and intertwining their fingers she took one hella deep breath. She passed the hugs, the usual hellos and the surprised expressions on her coworkers faces. They’ve never seen her like that. Make up. Braids. Sun glasses. Crop top.

  • Mads’s in the house guys. You sure do know how to clean up real nice. I’m assuming you’re not working today.

She nodded, flashing a bitter sweet grin.  She loved Kuba. He always knew to say the right things and when she needed his hugs. His moooost needed hugs. That made her feel better, taking his embrace and smelling that damn perfume she was madly in love with.

  • Then let us serve you today. And treat you and your friend. Whatever you like just let us know.
  • Its ok guys, there’s no fuss needed. Appreciated though. We’re not gonna stay long.

She looked at them feeling at home. A bunch of J1 students working their summer of. Enjoying the states and chasing the big dream. It only lasted for a minute. Cuz she heard B yelling from the other side of the room, with no remorse whatsoever.

  • Hey, Dom’ . Madie here, has something to tell you. Don’t you Mads?

And there goes B, her loving fucking B * the B she wanted so badly to just slap right now * , making heads turn, people watching her next move. Everybody knew by now, there was some sort of electricity between her and Dom, all the teasing, the fighting, the not so subtle smiles. And they knew too, she and him, but none of them was quite brave enough to make a damn move. And now the summer was almost over and they would be parting ways. And she just couldn’t cope with the idea of at least no trying. But, instead of playing for B, she turned around and stepped outside taking seat at one of the tables. She stayed there, with her heart slamming against her ribcage engaging in conversations with her coworkers, sipping alcohol, trying to calm the itching sensation in her bones, without looking once at him and ignoring the stares and B’s atemptions so make her go talk to him.

When she couldn’t stay any longer, and felt safe enough, she went to him. His eyes were beaming and glancing sideways not knowing what to say or how to act. She put her best poker face and swallowed hard.

  • Hey
  • You know, since these are gonna be our last two weeks together, I was thinking you might wanna go out with me tonight.

There. She said it. Fuck it. Her hands were cold, in comparison with the heat of the kitchen and the redness in her cheeks , which, by now she doubted it was from the heat.

  • Well, if you’re gonna come here with this attitude. It’d be a NO.

One beat. Two beats. Tree beats. Nothing. She flipped a middle finger, filling the tense air between them. And then with a cocky smile, *God knows how she pulled that one*, she slammed an “OK” and then walked way. She said her goodbyes after that, between hugs and laughs, holding in the scream she sooo badly wanted to let out, bravely pretending nothing happened.

Before she left, B came to her.

  • You know, he said, there’s a party tonight and he wants you there.
  • Yeah, well FUCK HIM ! I’m done B. I tried. I don’t want no fucking party. I want a night out with him. Me and him. ALONE ! Am I crazy ?! Am I asking to much ? Fucking coward.
  • You know its funny you say that. Tom * the guy that worked in line with D, and her current boyfriend * Said the same thing. He said he didn’t get Dom. And everybody was watching him in dismay. For what it’s worth. I’m proud of you. You have bigger balls than anybody I know.

And then she felt better. She hugged it out. Feeling blessed. Her friends were more important than a “summer dick”. She survived a “No” before. This wouldn’t be any different. That ‘s why for the rest of the night and summer she never , not once, felt awkward again, around him or anybody else. Things did took an interesting turn after that, but not the one expected.

 

 

.End.

 

*apologizing for the rusty English*

 

Taint

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(ro)

S-a rostogolit grăbită,

surprinsă de lumina palidă a lumânării,

purtând urme de doliu în atingerea sa.

S-a frânt sub degete furioase

înainte să păteze buzele roșii

să dea satisfacție Păcatului.

…..

(en)

It stumbled hurried,

A blurry glimpse

Catched by the pale candle light

Wearing shades of black in its touch.

It crumbled under angry fingers

Before she stained red lips

Giving the Sin satisfaction.

Broken hearts

 

  • C’mon ! Jump ! Embrace it Em ! There’s nothing for us here, but smiles, dancing and oblivion.

She jumped,  the pale pink oh her dress swallowed by water, her last words lost in the autumn wind. When she reached surface, her blue eyes were beaming, the sunset reflecting its fire in her determination.

And that’s how she will remember Lila. Like the girl who tumbled into the river even though the water was freezing, like there was nothing there to stop her (beside that nasty cold she got after that). A smile slowly curved her trembling lips. That moment engraved in a frame in her memories.

She looked at the cloudy sky, and raised the beer bottle.

  • For the mess you were, for not giving up on me, for taking that leap of faith when the world didn’t give us the slightest chance; I miss you! You horrible selfish person. You left me behind, you … you…

As the first stars peered through the clouds, lighting the grave, the moon found in its shine, a curled up Em asleep and a couple of empty bottles, scattered in the grass. There was so much pain and tiredness engraved in her features.  So she watched over them that night, making sure they’ll see each other one last time, in a place where sorrow couldn’t reach them.

 

Ziua era pe sfârșite. Stătea pe verandă , sorbind din berea rece, în timp ce soarele se ascundea după munți.  Își mută privirea spre răsadul de flori; buzele arcuindu-i-se într-o jumătate de zâmbet. Avea urme de pământ pe obrazul stâng , și o dâră verde pe tâmpla dreaptă.  Își studie degetele și  dosul palmelor în lumina târzie; i se uscase pielea pentru că uitase să-și cumpere mănuși noi, și circumstanțele impuseseră să-și vâre mâinile, fără urmă de regret,  în pământ.  Gândul îi făcu umerii să i se scuture involuntar.

Își întinse picioarele ușor bronzate,lăsând să-i scape un suspin de plăcere. Lucrase ore în șir, în căldura zilei de aprilie, apreciind schimbarea de vreme.  Era și timpul ca ea și ploaia să ia o pauză pentru un timp. Nu că i-ar fi displăcut. Dimpotrivă. Și-a primit primul sărut în ploaie. Prima despărțire. A absolvit liceul cu pantofii ei preferați înmuiați într-o ploaie spontană de vară. Și-a semnat actele de divorț într-o seară rece, umedă de septembrie. Din gând în gând, amintirile i se agățară de gene, și îi umeziră ochii căprui.

Respiră adânc, și piguli firele invizibile de praf de pe blugi.  Exista un motiv pentru care trecutul trebuia să rămână în trecut. Dar cu imaginile derulându-i-se pe retină, îi era cam greu să-și aminteasă motivul. Scutură, cu maxilarul încleștat, viguros din cap, cu intenția de a-și limpezi privirea și gândurile. Șuvițe de păr prăfuite i se desprinseseră din păr odată cu mișcarea, acoperindu-i chipul trist.

Se ridică, nesigură pe picioare. Cu sticla de bere pe jumătate băută, coborî scările. Adună instrumentele de grădinărit, și-și îndreptă pașii spre casă, cu lumina lunii urmărindu-i umbra. În noapte aia, ploaia a stat departe de geamul ei.

Dimineața o prinse cu coșul plin ochi, răsucindu-se cu lista în mână, prin supermarket. Cumpărăturile de miercuri, erau un ritual de care nu se despărțea decât rareori. Cu o noapte în urmă nu reușise să-și potolească pofta de pui shanghai. Păstrase pe limbă, gustul puiului tras în unt ,acoperit de aroma dulce-acrișoară a sosului. Stomacul i se agită în anticipare, și zgomotul o făcu să strângă stânjenită din pleoape.

Pentru o secundă, devenise conștientă de sine, și privi curioasă în jur. De când se mutase înapoi în orașul natal, prefera-se să fie cât mai invizibilă cu putiință. Dar adevărul era că nu mai cunoaștea decât o mână de persoane, și ocazional generația de după 95’ care își vizitau pe timp de vară părinții sau bunicii, bucurându-se de liniștea unui orășel mic, munții din jur și barajul care le fusese cel mai bun profesor de înot.

  • Pot să-ți fac oricând rost de miere mai naturală, decât cea pe care o ții tu în mână.

Tresări, luată prin surprindere, mai să scape borcanul. Fusese atât de ruptă de realitate, că nu băgă de seamă că se zgâia insistent la etichetă. Pentru că, cumva, cuvintele refuzau să-i iasă pe gură, aprobă, încurcată.  Acum își amintise, de ce prefera să iasă la cumpărături, dimineața devreme, când magazinul erau aproape gol.

  • Atunci, trec diseară să-ți aduc unul. Îmi pare bine să te văd, Anya.

I-a zâmbit încântat, și a șters-o.  Cât despre ea, rămase ca o idioată în mijlocul culoarului nevenindu-i să creadă.

Să fie al naibii. Ce tocmai s-a întâmplat? La ce tocmai a fost de acord ?

În timp ce își punea produsele pe bandă; cu inima aproape să-i sară din piept, la toate modurile în care el putea să o dea peste cap DIN NOU; primii picuri de ploaie se așezau pe acoperișul marketului.

Old tale

You know that old saying “may the bridges I burn light the way”. Well, how you feel about burning an entire town to the ground?
 –
It all started with a piece of land, greedy people, and a fire.
It must have been in the late 50’s , but she can’t quite remember.  Her grandmother always used to pick on her father, mumbling like old people do, that the land is cursed and it only brings misfortune to those who own it. She could see her even now, walking the trail, beheading the thistles with the wooden cane, nodding in approval, like she was doing them a favor. She wasn’t a bad woman. It was just that the mistakes of the past caught up with her mind in the end.
But, as a young engineer and newly married man, Christopher didn’t pay attention to the old lady,  (for some sort of a reason, he could never bring himself to call the woman “mom” after her state of mind derailed), and bought the land without thinking twice. As the years past, and the family grew bigger, new responsibilities lied ahead, and he would slowly come to forget her warnings.
 I guess they never tell you that sometimes misfortune skips generations.

So i stood still in the middle

of the street

my stare empty

waiting

for a warm hand

to pull me back into the sunlight

I waited for so long outside my window

but the „home” feeling

never passed by.

It was only the ice cold wind that took mercy

and took a grasp

at my shattered insides

trying

to pull me back into a whole

And for a while

i could see myself again

a shallow slippery self

but a self nonetheless

At first light

the ice melted from my veins

not knowing that

it will loosen the thread

I couldn’t blame her

for that was her doing

to dust away the shadows.

Sometimes. The shadow grows roots inside you and there’s no light to turn back to.