Enough to keep me going

Sometimes I think, I stopped writing, because I don’t want to write about things that hurt. I’ve been through so much physical and psychical pain in this past year, most days I needed to remind myself that breathing comes naturally and it doesn’t drain me out of energy in trying to find something real, something to grab onto, to ground myself. Most days I avoid meeting my gaze in the mirror because nothing that’s left here will help me stay. I don’t lean against the side of my mattress, because when I close my eyes, it feels like a rocking boat in the middle of the sea, waiting for me to take a final dive. I seek the stars in the darkest of nights, praying for guidance. I prayed to Gods and moons, and sometimes when I’m out of words and the silence it’s stretching inside my ribcage, and it grows deeper into my bones, I seek them silly fireflies. I tell myself, just some light, some light, it’s enough to keep me going.

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